spam, spam, spam

Dear Oz
Please do not email me any more tips about losing fat. I will not, under any circumstances, open your email.
Dear “Number Witheld”
Please stop phoning to tell me how you’re working for the government to save me money on my electricity. You may say that you’re not selling me anything, but I have a funny feeling that by the end of the conversation you’ll have tried to sign me up to a new tariff. By the way, we’re registered with the TPS, not that it makes any difference.
Dear Mobile Number 07…
Please don’t send me texts about an Accident Claim. I haven’t had an accident and even if I had, I certainly won’t be phoning you about it on a Premium Rate phone number.
Dear Hilary
I’m sure you can beat any like-for-like quote, but stop posting me your leaflets. The last one went straight into the bin with all the other junk mail and now I have to carry it up the yard to be recycled. By the way, we’re registered with the MPS, not that it makes any difference.
Dear Sam
How kind of you to visit my blog and leave such a constructive comment. I’m so glad that “There are definitely many of these, ladies and men downside to through the help of strategy …”. Do you think I’m stupid? Why would I click on your link or publish your comment?
Dear WordPress
How exciting that I have a new follower. Thanks for the email. What’s that you say? “You might want to go see what they’re up to! Perhaps you will like their blog as much as they liked yours!” Goodness, all those exclamation marks. Shall I follow the link to their website? Sorry, there’s no time because another two followers popped up. I wonder how xVb345 and 24gunman6z found me. Do you know what? Thrilling as it is to have all these new followers, I don’t think I’ll look at their blogs because they’re just spammers.
I have a vision of the whole world spiralling into a giant spam overload. Sometimes I ignore phone calls if the number is withheld or International (sorry Lizzie) and no matter how good the spam filter is, Olga from Russia still manages to sneak her emails to me. Recently, WordPress has been overrun with spammers. It used to be just comments, which Askimet filtered out fairly efficiently, but now its followers. My follower count has grown enormously, yet the page views remain constant. I suppose for those people obsessed with numbers it must be wonderful, but I’d rather have fifty followers, who actually read the blog and occasionally comment or tweet me, than a million who just clicked a “follow” button without even visiting the blog. Why do they do it? Do they really think it’s going to drive traffic to their website?
On the flip side, Askimet has now gone into some sort of overdrive mode, dumping comments in the Spam box. If I look at the stats, my top commenter is Elizabeth from Mrs Thomasina Tittlemouse. So why did her last comment go to the Spam box? Does Askimet feel her blog is too subversive? Do we need protecting from crochet, sewing and cooking?
If your comments don’t show up, it’s not because I’ve blacklisted you but because Askimet has filtered you out and I haven’t checked the Spam box (though I shall try to be more diligent in the future).
If you’re a genuine new follower, please let me know. There’s lots of ways to contact me here – I’m not trawling for sycophantic comments,  just a hello so I know you’re a real person and can take a look at your blog or gaze at your Pinterest board for inspiration.
Are you having the same problems with WordPress? Is Blogger any better?